THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
