someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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