My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
