So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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