He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
