I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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