3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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