We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
