So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
