Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
