Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
