I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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