I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
