STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
