You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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