We're facebook friends in real life
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
