Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
