he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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