Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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