I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
