R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
