And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
