if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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