You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My bed smells like the plague
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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