Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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