Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
