Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your cock deserves a montage
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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