"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
