Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize