I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
