Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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