Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
