dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
