My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
