I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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