Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick

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(559): View more from California

you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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(386): View more from Florida

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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(214): View more from Texas

You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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(816): View more from Missouri

My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people

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