Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
did i walk over a car last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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