It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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