i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
