She is in my trunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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