so let's talk penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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