i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
