Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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