her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
