so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
