There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
