it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
