If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
