So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize