Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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