It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize