I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
