Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
