Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
