i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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