Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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