He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize