i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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