I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
