if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
