They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
