woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Congratulations! We have a period
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