if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
a search helicopter?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
