My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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