im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
