dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
