If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
