Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
