He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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