Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
