Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
