we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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