The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
