someone get that fucking seahorse.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
