I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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