i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
