You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
