My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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