i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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