he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize