but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
