I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
