i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
