Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize