I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
