ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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