The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
