Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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