Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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