The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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