Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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