But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
