Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
