My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
