Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
