Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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