Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
