so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize