I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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