apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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