Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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