I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
