This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
