she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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